thisducks | The Choices Made [for Daily / admonish]

[ He didn't understand.

He didn't understand why they were all so mad at him. Everyone was so mad. Being shoved into a silent, dark room and told to stay there in a tone that brook no argument... it felt like hours ago. Deep inside, he was afraid for Lilith. He had no idea where she was, how mad they were at her. All of it felt so incredibly confusing and seeing the people he loved look that angry, that... scared? It left him shook to his core.

So Lucifer sat in silence, his wings wrapped around him like a tight cocoon, with his knees drawn up and his arms wrapped around his knees. He thought of Sera scolding him for saying he loved the humans with all his heart when she finally caught him sneaking down to the Garden. He thought of Lilith crying, telling him the words Adam had spoken to her that made her angry until she cried in his arms, and how he eased her tears and found ways to make her smile again. How he'd wanted her to be free when she said she felt like she was in a cage.

It'd all made sense in his head, before. What difference would her knowing more make to the other angels? Then he'd feared Eve would be trapped in the same way, what if Adam would do the same..?

He'd just wanted them to be happy.

So why was everyone so angry at him? ]

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From:

thisducks

[ He really does need the water and drinks a heavy swallow first, coughing as the dust in this throat catches and starts to clear, but he follows it with another as if his body suddenly remembers it's desperate for the liquid. The bowl ends up completely drained before he knows it, gasping and panting slightly from the long swallowing. The request from Michael hasn't been forgotten, but he does refill the bowl before putting it more firmly into Michael's lap with the silent command of 'now you'.

The question is a difficult one, but he decides to answer that first because he knows it must be worrying Michael's mind. Not that the answer is going to really help. ]

Everything hurts. [ There's a rough edge in Lucifer's voice that isn't from emotion, but as if his throat or maybe his vocal chords have been hurt. He has no conscious memory of how long he had screamed, or when he finally passed out. ] I haven't tried to move very much, but my knees feel like jelly.

[ He looks around them slowly, rubbing his forearm over his face. Everything hurts. Everything itches. He feels filthy from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. ]

...what do you want me to describe?

From:

admonish

[ michael has never been one to refuse him before and does not intend to start now, so his fingertips grip the edge of the bowl to allow him to take another drink of water. he does not finish the bowl, instead cradling it to himself as he looks in various directions. his eyesight might be gone but his hearing is not, he is listening for something. anything that might give him a clue.

everything hurts.

somehow, that cuts even deeper than the spear that effectively crippled their wings. he wants to comfort him, to gather him up into his arms and tell him that everything will be fine once they wake up—but no, this nightmare is real. nonetheless, if given the same choice knowing what he knows now, he would still make the same decision. the idea that his brother could have ended up here alone is horrifying.

eventually he nods, attempting to pass the bowl back to him but it falls, spilling the water onto the ashes between them. his hand reaches out to find it on the ground, never quite coming close enough to touch it. but his fumbling has disturbed a pile of ash just enough to reveal the edges of a tarnished halo. its twin resides roughly a foot away, the color of the finish rivaling the barren landscape around them. ]

Yes, it is the same for me. We should not move until we have recovered, or at least until we figure out what we are going to do.

[ appearing to consider something for a moment, he hums. ]

What has changed? Not in the landscape, but on our forms. The spear crippled our wings, undoubtedly to stop us from attempting to fly back.

From:

thisducks

[ What's unnerving is that Michael hears... nothing. Even outside in Heaven, there would be some kind of sound. The lazy breeze, a soft shuffle of tree leaves, a rustle of grass, a soft song on the air, but here, there is dead silence. Not even so much as a breeze to stir the ashes. It truly is nothing.

As Lucifer tries to rescue the bowl, turning it back upright before ashes can get into it as he has no doubt they're going to need to get clean, drink more... clean Michael's self-made wounds. It's just long enough for him to catch sight of something solid among the ashes, his brows knitting together as he reaches for it. In the silence, it's easy to pick up Lucifer's quiet gasp of shock as he lifts the ring of metal from the ashes.

His eyes lift above Michael's brow, then back down to the metal in his hand, before he's suddenly doing his best to lean over and scrape his fingertips through the ashes. Piece by piece, he finds more of it and Michael will hear it - the motion of Lucifer's fingers in the ash, the faint ping of metal on metal more than once, Lucifer's attempts to hold back sobs. Eventually though, he stops, and so do most of the sounds, but the tiny sobs have turned to the shaky breathes of someone trying with all of his might not to cry.

It only takes two words of explanation, but they hold a terrifying concept. ]

...o-our halos...

[ The fallen, blackened pieces of each pair, lying in a pile in his lap. ]

From:

admonish

[ uncaring of whether the ash will stain his clothing or not, he follows his quivering voice and leans forward to quietly pull him into an embrace. a hand finds his hair, those claws running through it with a surprising bit of gentleness.

broken halos were just that, already broken, so he is less willing to pay them any mind when the person in front of him is still whole but just as fragile. all it would take is one moment of grief for him to fall into despair. he is not willing to let that happen. while cradling him, he murmurs quietly. ]

Are no more. As long as you are here with me, I do not need one.

[ but what they do need is a plan of attack. he vows to give him a few more minutes to grieve before pressing the matter. crying will get them nowhere here, he has to remain resilient for him no matter how thoroughly the pain attempts to overwhelm him.

the soundless void around them is already threatening to devour them it seems. perhaps their punishment is still yet to come and this is simple the first step in its enactment, an appetizer. no matter how he tries to look at it, he is unable to shake the feeling of dread. ]

Broken halos will do nothing for us here but bring about more pain.

From:

thisducks

[ Inside, he knows he has to be brave and that he can't let himself shatter, even if his body feels like it already has. If he isn't, he knows what Michael will do. He'll try to take all the burden, emotional and otherwise, to try and protect him from more pain. ...it's his fault they're both here. The guilt hangs like a millstone around his heart, but it also forces him to take a deep breath in Michael's arms. ]

...There are hands covering your eyes, hands that look like ours... ours did before. From the center of your brow, there are things... feathery things that come together like a V. On either cheek is a red circle, almost at the corners of your mouth. ...both of us... have black skin on our arms and hands, and c-claws. [ With everything in him, he is trying to keep his voice steady, being Michael's eyes while his brother cannot see. He has yet to bear witness to what has become of their wings, their legs, or what lies limp in the ashes behind each of them. ]

...what are we? [ Just a whisper, more to himself than Michael. ]

From:

admonish

Manifestations of our sins, undoubtedly. As if being turned away from the light was not punishment enough. Father stopped speaking to me shortly after the conclusion of the trial, not hearing his voice now is not so strange.

[ he sounds so calm and firm in his beliefs as he flexes his claws experimentally, using the tip of his thumb to prod at one of the tips. ]

We are enemies of Heaven.

[ short, sweet and to the point, he has never been one to mince words and, considering where they are now, starting now seems pointless. he exhales a shaky breath before planting one of those claws into the ashes so he can gradually push himself to his feet. it’s rather like watching a fawn try to finds its feet for the first time, and he nearly falls, but catches himself at the last minute.

a black tail that has gone unnoticed twitches to life behind him, brushing up against Lucifer’s shoulder as he looks in either direction, head tipped off to the side—he is listening for things but, again, hears nothing. that means there is no threat for the time being, so he takes a precautionary step forward and notices his feet feel strange. no matter, he can deal with that later.

his wings drag uselessly behind him as he walks the short distance away to reclaim his sword, something he was able to sense rather than see, then returns to his brother’s side. he is still frowning when he looks down towards him but smiles when he extends a claw out for him to take. ]

Take your time, if you can stand. I have you.

From:

thisducks

[ Enemies...? Can that really be true? Could the people he has known and loved all of his life really now consider them an enemy? Michael's attempt to stand takes his mind off that confusing and he lifts his hands, ready to catch his brother if he falls, but somehow Michael manages it. His brother has always been strong, stronger than anyone. Of course he would be-

As Lucifer's gaze starts to follow Michael's body down to his legs, he isn't surprised to see the black begin partway down his brother's thighs through what remains of his robes. After all, he has the same burning in his own legs that he does in his arms, so it makes sense. However, before he gets to acknowledge the full measure of the changes, something touches his shoulder.

So, naturally, he screeches.

Scrambling in the ashes, bits of their halo spilling from his lap, he tries to get back from whatever had touched him-

Only to find nothing at all.

His heart racing, Lucifer stares wide-eyed at the whole lot of nothingness, then lets out a whine. ]

Something touched me! ...But there's nothing...?

From:

admonish

Stay down.

[ as polite as he usually is, the snarl in his voice should be enough for him to understand he isn’t asking him to. he is telling him to.

the move he makes next is purely out of instinct. he whirls around in place, claws biting into the grip of his sword, with his feet planted firmly as if he is expecting a fight. both of them are still disoriented from the fall, it’s perfectly reasonable to think they may have missed something hiding in the darkness.

unfortunately, this also means that when he turns around, the mysterious perpetrator flicks out for a second and catches against his other shoulder. fanning his wings out would only add to his imposing aura, but the sword more than makes up for it. rather than holy flames licking against it, the flames that erupt from it are now an unnatural and eerie shade. still, at least it illuminates the area for them for the first time.

when nothing launches an attack, he glances over his shoulder to Lucifer as if checking on his welfare. this time he notices the feeling of something brushing against his leg so a hand flies out to catch it and squeeze to deliver a warning. when he tugs roughly on it, he lets out a sharp hiss.

whatever this is? it is attached to him, much like the hands. carefully, he holds the tail out for him to inspect for himself. ]

There is no danger here, it was this.

From:

thisducks

[ It isn't the sight of the flames that unnerves Lucifer, but their appearance. Over the millennia, of course he's seen his brother summon the holy fire that had burned bright within him. That beautiful golden color, a silvery sheen at its core like the blade that has always been a part of Michael's soul. But now... they're a color like he's never seen before, something bewitching and angry in a way he can't put a finger on.

When Michael holds out the appendage, Lucifer takes it in hand and studies it warily. It looks like a whip - thin, black, until it flares out at the tip and becomes very strange. He can feel what he guesses is solid bone running through the middle, making it strong from the dip of the V to the tip, but the wings to either side aren't the same. It feels like... like... it takes him a few seconds to realize, but it reminds him of his ear.

Which, when he reaches up to touch and compare, he realizes is also not the same. Instead of a smooth curve, it goes out to a point, hidden back in his hair. In the grand list of changes, it's a small one, but it just adds to the dysmorphia happening in his brain. Michael would hear the faint sound of distress before Lucifer drops his hand from his ear, the tail from his hand, and turns around. ]

...Oh. Looks like- I have one too. [ Trying so hard to sound calm about that, even though he doesn't feel calm in the slightest. Be strong. For Michael.

But from the changed position, he finally gets a look at down his legs.

Be strong be strong be strong be strong be strong.

There are horrific red hooves where his feet should have been - and a glance to his brother says they match in that, too - and his ankle looks like it's entirely wrong with little weird hooks on the back. When he tries to wiggle his toes, the hoof somewhat splits apart in the middle, then curves over when he tries to squeeze. ]

So we're monsters.

From:

admonish

We are twins, after all.

[ it’s meant to reassure him and his tone is softer. he can hear the fear creeping up in his voice again but knows there is little he can do to soothe it other than be there. kind words would be wasted right now, they need to find the center of whatever this abyss is.

when he brings up being a monster he reaches one of his hands out to grasp for him again and, upon doing so, he gently rubs at his shoulder. he knows what his pain level is like, so he is trying his best not to exacerbate anything unnecessarily. ]

We are brothers first and foremost, Lucifer, how we appear on the outside will never change that. You haven’t a monstrous bone in your body, if you believe that now then they have truly crushed your spirit. We are in a dark place, yes, but losing hope now would be detrimental for the both of us.

[ hearing the flames roar to life on his blade, he turns and holds it out in front of them like a torch. ]

Can you see anything now? I will light the way. If we stay where we are, I think we will be in poorer shape than we already are. If there is nowhere to seek shelter, we will create one.

If you can have faith in nothing else, let it be in me and my words.

From:

thisducks

[ If he could have faith in nothing else. Everything else... was gone, but Michael is still with him. Still strong, stronger than he can hope to be. Hasn't that always been the way, though? Hoping he could be as strong as his brother? Now, Michael needs him to be his eyes.

But just before he goes to stand, his fingers catch against the metal in the ashes. He looks at the pieces of their halos, partly in his lap, partly in the ash, and while Michael's words about them no longer being worth anything, something still urges him to scoop up the pieces. It takes some effort to tie pieces of his robe together enough to match a little satchel, but the tiny pieces go into that.

Without a better way to carry them, and given their size, he actually puts both of the partial circles around his neck.

Only then does Lucifer brace his hands against the ground and work himself up on the strange new feet, shuffling against the soft ash but keeping himself up. It feels strange, but then everything else does. Strange or in pain. His head swims with it, the tension creeping down his neck. He reaches out and takes Michael's hand in his. ]

You light it- I'll see.

[ I believe in you. With a squeeze of his brother's hand, they'll start off into the nothingness together. ]

From:

admonish

[ he can hear the way the shattered pieces of their halos clink together as Lucifer gathers them up again but, rather than chide him about being sentimental at a time like this, he waits patiently for him to gather up the pieces and rise to his feet.

for his troubles, his twin receives a small smile just before he takes his hand. he gives it a squeeze to reassure the both of them before holding out the sword to light their way. the pain in his limbs has begun to dull enough that he is steady on his feet, so he glances off to the side where he knows his brother is waiting. ]

Lean on me if you feel any weakness, I can support the both of us now if necessary. The ache, I believe, is only temporary. If you find yourself tiring out, I will carry you.

[ it’s something he has done in the past, after all, hoisting him up into his arms or onto his back when he fell asleep somewhere awkward and was too tired to get back in his own steam. he knows he is capable of doing this with his own power but old habits are hard to break. ]

When we find a shelter, you should get some rest. I may not be able to use my eyes, but I can hear as clearly as ever. I will take the first watch once we find our way out of.. this.

[ he draws one leg up to scuff at the ashes, then resumes walking. ]

Everything has an end, we simply have to find it.

From:

thisducks

Let us find what we will find first, and then decide what to do. [ Lucifer's voice is quiet, but there's a determination beneath his words. He already cost his brother so much, more than he ever could have imagined to be the price of his actions; he won't be his brother's weakness now, when they are both hurting, unfamiliar with these bodies, or what has changed in their gifts. Those orange flames flicker like an active reminder that so much has changed. ]

...I hope so.

[ Lucifer looks out at the sea of nothing and presses his lips together uncertainly. He really does hope so.

However, it doesn't take them long to discover a problem - their wings. With them damaged, their bodies not holding them as they should be, they're heavy. They're partly dragging in the ashes, leaving odd tracks that erase their foot- hoofprints as they go. The crimson color is visible even through the ash that is rapidly coating the outside white, turning them ash-grey, but Lucifer isn't complaining. Instead, he's watching. Searching.

Nothing, yet. ]

From:

admonish

It was not a suggestion, I know you are in pain.

[ you—he makes no reference to his own pain because, in his mind, it pales in comparison to what Lucifer is feeling right now. his pain is physical only, he has no regrets about the choice that he made but he knows his twin does. eyes are unnecessary to see that kind of pain, he can almost feel it radiating off of him. ]

If nothing is there, then we will create something. I have everything that I need with me right now. You.

[ something he doesn’t need right now is to be dragged down by the wings hanging limply behind him. while Lucifer is busy thinking, Michael grabs ahold of one of his own wings and stretches it out, head craned off to one side as if he were examining it.

his fingers are carefully mapping out an edge. the end result is a deep frown as he thinks aloud: ]

If they are going to maintain this state, perhaps it would be wise to remove them. [ is he.. looking at his sword right now? he can feel the heat of the flame on his face. surely his brother knows he does not make suggestions lightly, at least he hasn’t actively tried to execute his plan yet. ]

If we cannot fly, they are useless here.

From:

thisducks

[ Michael... Within him, he can feel his heart contract and grow at his brother's words and protectiveness, making him draw his fist up to press over where it resides within. ]

That's why we will do this together. [ Michael has become the defender of the light inside of him, keeping alight what should have snuffed within the ashes of the nothing. He needs his brother more than anything else, and whatever he must do to keep Michael with him, he will.

That doesn't mean he won't argue with him, because Lucifer chokes at Michael's suggestion. ]

Brother, no! We'll heal, it just takes time! [ The mere idea of Michael without his beautiful wings, the concept of slicing off what has been a part of them since their creation... it makes Lucifer gag at the back of his throat at the horror of it. ] We can not do anything foolish now that we will regret later!

From:

admonish

That is why I came with you, yes. Who else will tuck you in again when your blankets slip? I take all of my duties seriously, including that one.

[ he gently nudges him with his shoulder, shooting him a smile he might recognize. even in moments where he was frustrated, Lucifer always had a way to pull him out of his thoughts. even when he is practically sputtering at something that was a mere suggestion. ]

I can hardly be blamed for my thoughts wandering when we are wandering through what evidently equates to a wasteland. Even if I chose to do so, it would not be here and now. I am not accustomed to feeling so.. powerless.

[ but he does nod, turning his attention back to the area ahead of them. if it upsets him that much, he makes a note to never bring up such a thing again. ]

Forgive me for startling you. It was not my intention.

From:

thisducks

And you call me a brat. [ The familiar smile eases the tightness around Lucifer's heart from that horrific suggestion, the tension leaving on a slow breath out through his nose.

He lifts his gaze to the nothingness and decides something all at once. If this is nothing, then he can make it something. Something is better than nothing. All those endless times told to stop, don't cause trouble, not now, look what you've done, pull your head from the clouds...

None of them are here to stop him, ever again. Only his brother remains as a link to keep him grounded. ]

...Forgiven. [ But the tone in Lucifer's voice hints that his mind is focused on something else and he blurts it out all at once. ]

There's nothing out here, Michael- then I'll make something out here. Whatever we want. I'll recreate Eden itself if I want- [ He moves to stand in front of his brother, his voice determined. Challenging? Challenging Heaven. ]

We decide what we want our new home to be, and I want it to be something amazing.

From:

admonish

[ that actually gets him to laugh. ]

I do so because you are one—occasionally. At other moments you can be quite charming when you want to be.

[ despite the insult it is delivered warmly, affectionately even, as he straightens up and lets the wing flop back down to drag near his heels. for the time being, he has been convinced not to do anything particularly drastic. will that continue on for future days here? only time will tell. ]

If anyone can turn this into a Paradise, it is you. You were always meant to create, Lucifer, no matter what arguments were made against it. Do not give up on that hope, it is your greatest strength. The only limits now are the ones you place upon yourself.

[ the hand that was holding his drifts up to his shoulder, which he clasps it over. ]

I have no doubt it will be.

From:

thisducks

You are my greatest strength. ...Without you... [ his voice tightens, unable to imagine a world without his other half. ] Without you, Michael, my hope would never have survived. [ Reaching up, he lays his hand on his brother's and squeezes it. ] I'd be less than half of who I am.

[ Lucifer smiles in his certainty, but also because Michael is here. With him. It isn't a possibility they'll need to face. ]

We need shelter. ...and a very large bath tub because I feel disgusting inside and out. We can get each other's wings cleaned through and... assess the damage. A bed to sleep on- a fence around everything, just in case there is something out here.

[ His eyes close as he speaks, imagining it all in his head with incredibly detail. Michael might be able to sense the change in his power rather than see the way the gold is cut through with crimson as bright as fresh mortal blood, but it is still holy power that curls through his twin and begins to spread outward. ]

From:

admonish

You will never have to wonder about that, so strike it from your mind now. There is no sense in opening a wound that has no purpose and never would have been inflicted otherwise. [ he exhales softly, hand shifting so he can grab his hand again briefly. ] Nothing could ever make you less, Lucifer.

[ he can already feel the way the enthusiasm seems to radiate off of his body as he rattles off his ideas. no one shines as brightly as him when it comes to his gifts, even the sun when it peeks over the horizon. it’s a palpable warmth he can feel staining his skin before the power even begins to manifest itself.

having watched him create as often as he has, he can still imagine the way he must be smiling like a fool right now, hands angled outwards with the slightest bit of concentration peppering his face.

rather than shy away, he holds onto him to offer any strength he can to aid in his cause. despite his eyes being covered, there is nothing but pride reflected back at his brother now. to have Fallen, yet still have the conviction to call upon his power now, despite the changes made to him.. he could not be more proud of him. ]

From:

thisducks

[ For Lucifer, creation is like breathing. It simply is. It doesn't even occur to him that this power is still holy, the power of an angel, and that by wielding it in the barren wastes they had been exiled to, it is like a giant middle finger back up at Heaven, its court, and likely even their father.

Instead, as golden light fills him, crimson coiling up through it, Lucifer... laughs. Not one of spite or bitterness or even pride but joy. As he gathers the last of the image into his mind, he spins out from Michael and let's it all fly!

As bright as a firework, his magic starts to form what he's imagined in magnificent, golden, statue-esque shapes. A small home, a circle of grass and plants and a few trees, then a fence with little star shapes on top. In the same pattern, spreading out and up, they become solid and turn into reality. It's one of the largest things Lucifer has created in one go.

When his eyes open and he sees it there, all around them and real- he smiles as bright as the sun to his brother.

Then collapses. ]

From:

admonish

[ even though all he can see is darkness, a light begin to fill that void, twisting around like a serpent as the light shifts between the colors of gold and red. at some intersections, the two colors even blur into one—finally becoming that brilliant crimson. it’s a dazzling display that has him stepping forward, tilting his face to follow the path his power takes through the air.

Lucifer. he may not be able to see him but he can see within him, to the power bubbling beneath the surface that he has known all of his life. he is about to share the news with him when, as the last of that power disappears, he can see him begin to teeter.

whatever miracle has happened around them goes completely unnoticed as he dives forward and, dropping his sword in the process, catches him before he can hit the ground. thankfully the flames coiling up the blade begin to die down once it leaves his hand, completely extinguishing by the time it hits the ground.

carefully, he shifts him in his grasp so he can cradle him to his chest. ]

Lucifer! You over exerted yourself, you are fortunate I was able to see your power. Are you all right?

From:

thisducks

[ He did it! He did it! In Michael's arms, Lucifer lays there panting as if he had been running for endless miles, but the huge smile on his face suggests he's just fine. Better than fine. Reaching up, he adjusts the halos around his neck to be comfortable and gives a breathless laugh. ]

Sorry, Michael. I- I did it! ...a little home for us. There's a really big bath... h-hey, did you say you- ah ah- saw my power?

[ They'll be okay. They'll be safe. All around them, just beneath the surface, tiny little particles of Lucifer's power remain - giving life to the greenery he's brought into creation. He's made new life. ]

From:

admonish

I never doubted you, you have nothing to apologize for. Stay still, please, my legs are still a little unsteady and I do not want to drop you.

[ without further ado, Michael picks up Lucifer and starts turning his head in various directions. it would be easier, maybe, to ask for directions to the bath rather than trusting his gut. sending them both tumbling to the floor wouldn’t help either one of them.

at least he seems to be moving in the right direction. if nothing else, the soak would help them both recover some of their strength and ease the ache still lingering in their limbs. he is more concerned with him right now, however. ]

It is difficult to explain, but yes. Sparks of light with trails like a falling star, they were gold and red. It was beautiful.

From:

thisducks

...red? I never... had red in my magic before. [ It's a touch unsettling, but is it any different than seeing Michael's flames in orange? Everything in his gifts had been gold and blue and sometimes a lovely little touch of pink when he gets incredibly excited about something. Just another thing changed, then.

The home is somewhat simple in design, but clever enough to work. One very large, fairly open floor below that for now only has that very large, somewhat shallow tub built into a curved corner. A set of stairs follow the curve of the back wall up to a sort of loft, entirely taken up by a bed that sits right into the floor. Not a straight line to be seen in the whole damn place, but there are some candles burning with little golden flames strewn about in various places. ]

...little to the left. [ A quiet murmur to his brother as they start to come up to the door, which really is very simple with a bit of silvery cloth covering it. As they come up to it, Lucifer reaches out and pulls the cloth aside since Michael can't see it, letting them into the home. ]

The bath is not too far in front of you- it has a wide ledge around it you can put me on. I'll be alright - promise.