The Choices Made [for Daily / admonish]
May. 14th, 2024 08:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thisducks[ He didn't understand.
He didn't understand why they were all so mad at him. Everyone was so mad. Being shoved into a silent, dark room and told to stay there in a tone that brook no argument... it felt like hours ago. Deep inside, he was afraid for Lilith. He had no idea where she was, how mad they were at her. All of it felt so incredibly confusing and seeing the people he loved look that angry, that... scared? It left him shook to his core.
So Lucifer sat in silence, his wings wrapped around him like a tight cocoon, with his knees drawn up and his arms wrapped around his knees. He thought of Sera scolding him for saying he loved the humans with all his heart when she finally caught him sneaking down to the Garden. He thought of Lilith crying, telling him the words Adam had spoken to her that made her angry until she cried in his arms, and how he eased her tears and found ways to make her smile again. How he'd wanted her to be free when she said she felt like she was in a cage.
It'd all made sense in his head, before. What difference would her knowing more make to the other angels? Then he'd feared Eve would be trapped in the same way, what if Adam would do the same..?
He'd just wanted them to be happy.
So why was everyone so angry at him? ]
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Date: 2024-07-30 06:40 pm (UTC)A gasping, ashen monster laying in the grey, his mind shattering in the silence only broken by his breathing and broken sobs. There would have been no one to pull him from spiraling thoughts and so they would have dug in deep their claws, tugging sanity from his soul like crows on carrion until it was lost. Without care given to those dragging wings, without cleaning the piercing wounds, they would never be white again, perhaps never heal properly. The constant drag would destroy them, leaving the lowest set to be nothing but bone, the middle to have ugly, rotten, clinging feathers, and only the upper to give semblance that they had once been wings, laying in a foul cloak down his back and only protected by the mess that had been the other two sets.
Would a mind so broken know to scrub the ash from its flesh, or would it become simply the same color as the landscape it found itself a part of, with only the blackened parts to break up the skin along with the swollen red eyes? Eyes that carried nothing of the innocent angel that had loved too much and instead were those of an animal, ready to lash out with tooth and claw and tail to defend itself.
And what would an animal do, when the first souls began to arrive in Hell? What any animal would do - it would hunt and it would eat.
Hell would be an endless plane of black and ash, with endless footprints and small, terrified huddles of souls together, finding something in the company of others but far more breaking apart like the thing named to rule over them. Yet they would fear one thing more than each other, and that would be the thing that hunted from the darkness and struck without a sound, the silence only broken by the scream of its victim and the tearing of flesh and snapping of bone. And then, just like it came, it would be gone again to go where it could hide away.
Perhaps a den made of bone and cemented by ashes mixed with blood - both golden and crimson - not even tall enough for the creature to stand upright, but that hardly matters when it doesn't any longer with the weight of lies on its back. A wild matting of grey hair tangled into bone appendages that come out of its back like spider legs, growing down its sides and over itself. A self-grown blanket to keep itself warm in a place endlessly cold.
The only light it knows is that from its own glowing eyes, with no vestiges of sanity or humanity in the crimson slits. Everything has been taken from it, and the only thing it has is to witness the worst of all humanity had been and ever would be, and to feed its skeletal body with their blood and flesh and sins.
The Eyes no longer watch it from the darkness. They don't need to. After all, it has become the same endless madness and darkness that gives them existence.
When had Michael crossed the line between his darkening thoughts and nightmare plagued sleep? ]
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Date: 2024-07-30 08:59 pm (UTC)no. far from it.
the only thing reflected back at him is a sense of duty and the familiar glow of the holy fire that coats his blade. he has dropped down from his perch as he did before but now the guards flank him without being asked to. if Lucifer looks especially closely at the angels looking down at him, he may even see a familiar silhouette—Father, watching the proceedings unfold from just out of sight. He never utters a single word but the disappointment is palpable. ]
You know what you have done, Lucifer, tears only hinder you now. Will you fight against what is coming or shy away like a child? [ he isn’t taking cues from anyone, the power behind his voice is his own. ] To disobey Father is to disobey Heaven, which you no longer have a place in. You are forcing my hand.
[ The Sword marches forward, the guard a few steps behind him as they circle around Lucifer to keep him from finding an opening to flee. once surrounded, Michael steps forward and points his sword at him, the blade practically humming as it comes to life. ]
Do you believe yourself to be on par with God? Your reasoning does not matter and nothing will save you from being casted out, but I will give you a chance to say something. You can tell me why or you can remain silent, either way it will be the last of your words spoken within these walls.
Make your choice.
[ time acts differently in the land of the dreaming, because not only does he have to witness Lucifer losing his voice, but he also has to watch the madness consume him mind, body and soul. what took millennia to achieve plays out in less than ten minutes for him, and what he sees is likely to plague his nightmares for years to come.
he is standing there beside him not in the demonic body he possesses now but the angelic one he had before, the hem of his robes stained through with ash. he tries, he tries so damn hard to cover him with all six of his pristine wings, to shield him from the evil that has tainted his grace. ]
Lucifer, no, I came with you. I Fell with you, you were never alone! Please, come back to me.
[ no, no, no—it would never come to pass, he made sure of it the moment he stepped in front of him and chose to share his punishment. it must be this place, a final attempt to break them down and quash any form of rebellion that might have spawned from their anger. lost amidst his rationalizations, he somehow doesn’t hear the creature his brother has become approach, not until a clawed hand bites into his shoulder and a voice that hisses like hot water in a pan finds his ear. ]
M̵̧̳͕̫͖͎͙̜̹̆ì̴̡̢͖̘̞̲̤̣̈́̀͝͝ć̴̛̼̖͓̻̬̻̥̘̎̔͌̈́͘͜͝ͅḩ̵̮͉̪̪̈́̀͘ạ̶̟̳̉̆͌̿̈́̃͝e̸̛̱̜͙͊̒l̸̜̯̻̘͒̕—
[ gone is the sweet natured brother, this version of him has forgotten what kindness can be. it never speaks another word to him but a series of growls and grunts show him that it is trying to, maybe he can still save him from this fate. with their healing capabilities, he never should have been rendered to this state, which delivers a heartbreaking truth—he is well and truly gone, and the only way he can save him is by ending his suffering.
he has to kill him.
pressing his lips into a thin line, he can’t stop the tears that begin to well up in his eyes, even knowing this is the kindest thing he can do for him. he can still see that smiling face in his mind and, as if to give a form to his pain, the flames creeping up his blade dim. ]
Please, do not make me do this..
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Date: 2024-07-30 10:31 pm (UTC)I didn't mean to do- you know I would never hurt them on purpose! I love them... I love you. [ All he can do is stare at his brother, the blade pointed at him not a true threat because in his heart, he believes utterly that Michael would never harm him. His brother who has always protected him, who loves him. This can't be happening. It must be a test, something to teach him a lesson. So his voice, scratching slightly from his panicked screams, is quiet and for Michael alone, no matter how many can hear him. ]
Michael. ...please. Please. I love you. [ He reaches out towards his brother, imploring, needing. ] I don't want to be alone. [ His voice cracks on the final word, fingers outstretched. ]
[ The demon that had once been an angel looks at the angel that had always been its brother, breathing with ugly sounding wheezes from a ruined voice box. The bare bones of what were once wings lift, flex. The fur- hair draped upon them almost mimicking what had once been. Claws, thick, curved, overgrown things dig into the ash that it was nearly a part of, and it stares without fear of the blade. Is it accepting its fate, or does it no longer possess the intelligence to know the weapon is a threat?
Either way it sits there, a small creature feared by the denizens of what is truly a hell beyond imaging, and it waits. It has nothing but time, endless time, endless punishment. A beast not forgotten by God but worse, condemned by Him.
But it had said Michael's name. Some small part of it knew. A bond so deep that even time and the most horrific madness could not fully part them. ]
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Date: 2024-07-31 01:21 am (UTC)[ Lucifer is dead, he chose the humans over him, chose to go behind his back to defy what they stand for. he never spoke to him of his plans, he didn’t trust him enough to let him in, and now he has to pay the price. when the guards step forward and aim their weapons, Michael raises a hand to stop them. ]
Stand down. He did not confide in me but he still wears my brother’s face, I will be the one to enact his judgment. It is my parting gift, to let you see a familiar face rather than one unknown to you.
[ his outstretched hand is greeted not by a warm embrace but by the cold steel in his grip that will keep him from reaching him. ]
You claim to love me but could not trust me with the knowledge of your plan, when I would tell you all and more. I was your reflection and you were mine, Lucifer, now you are my greatest shame.
[ when the guard begins to back away, Michael advances forward until the point of his sword nudges against Lucifer’s robes. at the last second the flames trickle away from the tip and he uses the momentum to begin ushering him backwards. if he does not move with him, then the blade will cut him. he is done asking questions. ]
With your sins to accompany you, you will never truly be alone. But remember this, everything that happened today was put into motion by you the moment you made your choice. I did not turn my back on you, you turned yours on me.
[ his fingers grip the hilt of his sword so tightly that the ornate handle bites into flesh, sending a trickle of gold rolling into the ash at his feet. ]
I love you more than any being could ever love. Look at me, Lucifer. If you can hear me, if you understand anything I have said, then look at me. Give me a sign that I am making the right choice.
[ his mind fully made up, the holy flames erupt out of his sword and flicker in the dark to light up the area around them. even now, lost within this nightmare, he can visualize him and Lucifer arriving here together and raising the spirits of one another. from the sobs and pain to the laughter they shared within the tub.
it should have been enough to save him, so why did it have to come to this? why was he allowed to join him if he was going to have to end his life at a later time? the answer is glaringly obvious to him in a moment of anger: Father. even here He moves them about like marionettes, idly observing their torment so that He will learn from this mistake.
but they are not mistakes, they feel and hurt more deeply than He ever could. perhaps that is why they are here now, because he wishes to study misery. before his rage can boil over, he carefully searches those red eyes and draws a hand to touch the side of his monstrous face gently. ]
I can end this suffering, you will finally be able to sleep again. No more darkness, no more pain, no more screams—just a pleasant sleep. When you wake, this will all have been a nightmare and I will be there to greet you.
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Date: 2024-07-31 02:44 am (UTC)A whimper escapes him, a tiny sound that he has no control over as fear - true fear - latches onto him. Something he has never felt the depths of in his sheltered life, now given to him as a last gift from his brother.
He can't find the words so he shakes his head in denial, driven back step by step until he feels the edge catch just at the back of his heel. There's no where else to go. As tightly pressed against his back and sides as they can get, his wings begin to quiver as his body starts to shake. It's fear that manages to get him to whisper something, even as it makes panic take a hold of him and all he can feel or hear is his heart pounding in his chest. ]
I never stopped loving you! Please, please- Michael-! Don't send me into the dark! PLEASE!
[ At first, for several agonizing seconds, the monster does nothing in response to Michael's pleas, but then suddenly it leans the weight of its head into his hand like a dog asking its owner for affection. Then those crimson eyes look into him. Not towards him, but eyes to eyes, steadily met. A gnarled hand lifts, ashes falling from it, and it places its palm over the golden blood. As it scrapes the fingers back through it, that broken voice that is barely a voice says a single distorted word without looking away. ]
Ḇ̶̡̺̟̥̲̫͈̝̳̞̗͠ȑ̷͍̖̤͚͙̺͕͎̞͙̅͘ơ̴̡̟̤̜̠̣̟͇͚̣͈͌̓̀ẗ̷͖̼̯̠̫̳̭̙̻̰̤̈́̚̚h̴̜̀́̌́̉͐͐ë̶̩̤̼̲̞̹͈̫͔̫̯́͒̌̋̆̕ͅř̸̤̮͚̆̊͛̍̀̈́͂̈̅̕...
[ It sits on filthy haunches, the spread bones across its back going limp. It almost seems like it's presenting its chest to Michael, and as it does so, the clawed hand comes up and smears the blood across its ashen flesh directly over its heart.
Then the hand goes limp, and it waits. It does not blink nor does its gaze shift from Michael's own. Visually, nothing remains of the star of morning, the angel that shone brightest, the fire of imagination and personification of dreaming.
All that remains are the ashes of the fire that had been put out and left to go cold. ]
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Date: 2024-07-31 04:22 am (UTC)[ he can stop the cycle before it morphs into something that will destroy Heaven and the balance that it stands for. the fact that it is his blood he faces down now draws nothing but cold indifference. ]
Even your tears cannot soothe the damage you have done. You have delivered evil onto us all, your apologies are meaningless words. To protect my home, I will do whatever it takes. That was why I was created, to protect them, even if it is from my own brother.
[ he appears to lower the sword, as if he might be having second thoughts, but that is far from the case. without waiting for his answer, he reaches out with one hand to partially embrace him. once he has lulled him to a sense of security, he kisses his cheek and whispers something for his ears alone. ]
Why should you be spared from the darkness you unleashed onto the world?
[ since he has a hold on him, and likely his attention, he may not even realize he has lifted the sword again and pointed it at his chest. the shift of his body is so slight that the only thing that will clue him in on what is actually happening is the agony that follows as he plunges the blade through his chest and the flames roar to life.
in real time, he experiences the pain of having his wings crippled all over again, this time by the one who loves him most of all. ]
Yes, Lucifer. Forgive me for not giving you the strength you needed before, but I am giving it to you now. Do you remember the ducks, Lucifer? They will be there as well, ready to bathe their creator in the love they have been saving for you.
Can you recall how they followed you like a shadow? You were their mother, after all, you even dressed up like one when they refused to enter the pond to show them the way. I believe some of their most peculiar habits came from watching you.
[ he never thinks about looking away from what he has become, he meets his gaze and never allows his own to waiver. instead, amidst the story, he reaches out to place his hand over the golden smear atop of his heart just to feel it beat one last time. but it also allows him to bathe him in some of his own power, to show him something beautiful in his final moments.
a memory of them attempts to cut through the fog in his mind, both of them sprawled out in the grass, a time when it was just the two of them, staring up into the clouds and trying to discern their shapes. did they even know what a cloud was? with their hands linked together and laughter in the air, Lucifer points to a suspiciously duck-shaped cloud and proclaims he will create something like that. the memory then shifts to Lucifer asleep in his lap with the most content smile on his face, with Michael gently smoothing his hair back while plucking stray leaves out of his feathers.
at the same time, he reaches up to pet what should be his hair. when he blinks, his tears begin to fall as he adjusts his weapon and tries to smile at him but his lip quivers. ]
I love you, and I always have.
[ steeling his resolve, he moves in to embrace him before his sword finds its target. even when the flames emerge he never lets go of him, intending to ensure he does not do this alone. but even before the first tendril of fire appears, he feels the unfamiliar burn of rage not for the cursed brother before him, but for the one who made them. ]
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Date: 2024-07-31 01:52 pm (UTC)But the words whispered into his ear make his heart stop its rapid beat entirely, just in time for cold fire to sear through his chest, bright and burning and so incredibly cold. His head lifts and he meets his brother's eyes. That's where the ice is coming from, stabbing into him and stealing his breath. From those eyes.
He tastes blood just before raw agony splits him down the center, but rather than the three feet of fiery sword piercing through his tiny form, he thinks it is from his heart breaking. ]
[ The beast that had once carried the name of an angel doesn't flinch or pull away or even cry out when the blade sinks into its flesh but instead, reaches around and roughly grasps the back of Michael's robes in a mimicry of the embrace holding it. The fire catches hold easily on the unholy creature, meant to cleanse it all away and bring back purity to the world. It follows desiccated strands and the foul stench of burning hair quickly overpowers, turning the smoke black and ugly even as the flames lick higher and higher. It takes longer for any part of the fire to take hold of Michael, almost as if it is reluctant to harm its maker, but when it senses the angel's resolve, the fire erupts across him.
The beast howls, but the sound isn't agony.
Relief. The punishment will end.
It all ends in raging holy fire, and in the end, all that is left are ashes that are added to the endless plane of other forgotten, failed projects. ]
[ Lucifer screams.
It's a horrible choking scream, one that claws its way up and out of the throat, bursting with the raw terror that comes only from the worst of nightmares or the most horrible tortures. It surges out as Lucifer surges up, his hands clawing at his own chest. Still unfamiliar claws bite into flesh, causing real pain that feeds back into a mind not yet released from the visions plaguing it. It's all pure panic, the kind that rids the mind of logic and common sense and lets the ID control the body. His back and chest are on fire, Michael- Michael hurt him-
His eyes flash open, brilliant crimson with only the tiniest dots of gold. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 02:58 pm (UTC)Lucifer is hurt.
the scream hasn’t even reached its conclusion before Michael rolls off of the bed, takes his sword in hand and points it at the offender. all of the rage from his dream carriers over into into life, so the flames that appear roar to life angrily, nipping at the air around them and giving off an uncomfortable heat. nothing could have gotten through the barrier, he had been assured of that, but it will take more time for his mind to catch up. in the meantime, his sword is pointed over Lucifer’s head.
should he turn around, he will look upon a face not only twisted with rage but also see that the hands once covering his eyes have moved—it would be less startling if they had stayed put. the hollow sockets of Michael’s eyes seem to look right through his other half. his shoulders flex repeatedly in an attempt to flare out his wings in a warning. he ignores the pain and bellows out in a deep voice that seems to reverberate off the walls. ]
Get out!
[ but to whom is he speaking? no one is there but the two of them but he seems adamant that someone else is there. ]
Even a wounded hound will bite. If you hurt him, I will.. [ all at once, a fire begins to burn behind those empty sockets and he sneers. ] I will destroy you so thoroughly that there will be nothing left to bury. Nothing for your family to mourn. This is the only warning you will receive.
[ hurt him.. Lucifer is alive, the scream tells him that much. and the only thing his eyes “see” is that beautiful golden glow his brother possesses. the only thing he hears are the frantic breaths of his twin. no one is here, he needs to calm down but the smell of blood in the air is pulling at him. he squeezes his eyes shut. ]
Lucifer.. ?
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Date: 2024-07-31 03:14 pm (UTC)A single sound of terror so powerful that nothing else can come out, for the movement of his brother had immediately made him believe he is falling backwards - backwards into the void - that he turns and tries to lift his wings to catch himself but they don't respond, he is falling he is FALLING-
But it makes him turn and he sees Michael like a twisted version of his nightmare. The eyes that had condemned him have becoming nothing but hollow pits until fire burns within them. It is absolutely terrifying, and Lucifer can't help but scream as he tries to scramble away. The attempt ends with him falling off the bed due to the dragging weight of his wings and ends with him pressing his back against a stone wall. His hands come up, covering himself, hiding, as his heart races in his chest and his chest and back hurt.
He keens in the back of his throat, pitifully curled up and waiting for more pain to come. ]
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Date: 2024-07-31 03:43 pm (UTC)instead of speaking up immediately, he lays on the floor beside him and jerks his wings forward with a hand to cover him. they may not work at the moment but the warmth they provide has not changed and will thus be familiar even if they are damp. it is only when he makes sure he is bundled up in the blanket, he even covers his face, that he finds his words. maybe if he does not have to look upon him, he will not be so scared. he needs a moment to calm down, to will himself to creep away from the edge. ]
There was— [ no, he doesn’t need to hear about his dream right now. it will hinder his progress and scare him further. instead, one of his hands find the top of his head and rest there but there is little he can do to keep it from trembling from the adrenaline. ]
I did not mean to scare you, something startled me. I could not open my eyes and all I could smell was blood. I would never harm you, Lucifer, not ever. Until you find your strength again, I will not move.
[ even if it takes days, he will not budge. he promised to protect him and he has already failed in that. those hollow black eyes linger on the trembling form under the sheet as if they can actually see him in detail and his brows furrow. ]
Dry your eyes, my brother, you will never have anything to fear from me.
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 07:58 pm (UTC)He finds himself trembling, shaking as if he's chilled to the bone and he can't make it stop. Even the black length of tail has unconsciously wound itself around his waist in a new form of self-comfort. An aching chest manages to suck in a hard breath, one that hurts to his core but he needs to breathe even if it results in another gut-wrenching sob.
Thankfully, not even someone as traumatized as Lucifer can keep up that kind of crying for too long. His already exhausted body finally dumps out the last of its fear-induced adrenaline, the sounds lose their volume until they vanish entirely, with the shaking the last element to go. It leaves him bundled up tight in his brother's arms with his chest, back, and eyes sore. ]
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Date: 2024-07-31 10:13 pm (UTC)Shh, shhh.. I am here, nothing will bring you any harm. I promised.
[ gone is the rough voice, he speaks quietly and with hesitation. like he is carefully choosing what words to say so he doesn’t upset him further. a clawed hand finds his hair, itching at his scalp as it did before. he seemed to enjoy the attention, so he is hopeful it will do something for him now.
when he feels him slump a bit, he holds him even closer. other than the gesture he doesn’t make a move to touch him again, opting instead to let him come to him when he is ready. if he wants to tell him what happened he will, but far be it from him to try and pry it from him now. to push now would only cause him to retreat further into himself.
instead, he begins to hum a song, one he often used to calm him down when he was feeling particularly anxious. he can recall the words but believes the melody itself will be enough when accompanied by him smoothing his hair back. ]
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Date: 2024-07-31 11:00 pm (UTC)Michael. [ Just a soft whisper, but it's spoken in relief. His fingers reach out and slowly touch flesh anywhere they can find, then pull his brother in closer. The racing heart pounding in his chest has finally slowed to a normal beat, letting him curl up in closer to Michael with his head on his brother's shoulder. ]
...I love you. [ Another whisper, but at its end, he found himself holding his breath, waiting for the reply. It even feels like his heart stops as it waits for Michael's response. He needs to set it against the nightmare, to wield it like a shield against the blade the nightmare had pierced through him. ]
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Date: 2024-08-04 05:49 pm (UTC)for the present time, the only thing he is aware of is his own need to hold him and never let go. the nightmare is still vivid in his mind, having a physical reminder that he is actually here is the only thing keeping him from losing it again.
at the declaration, he turns his face and kisses the top of his head. he can feel that Lucifer is not the creature from the dream but a part of him is waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under him. ]
I love you too. When you want to talk about it, know that I am here—and I always will be. You landed awkwardly, are you hurt?
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Date: 2024-08-23 06:00 pm (UTC)I- [ Saying "I am fine" is a lie, given that he is anything but fine, and lying to Michael is what got them both into this situation. ] My chest and back hurt. [ He admits it so softly, still holding onto Michael with a desperate strength. ] I think I was trying to use my wings. [ Their weight is heavy on his back, but he has to believe that they will fix themselves with time because the idea of them being broken for the rest of eternity is an impossibility he cannot comprehend and unlike his brother, the other idea of cutting them off is just as impossible. Angels were born to fly, even before they could walk.
But, maybe, there is another choice. He can change his shape, after all. Maybe he could just, for a little while-
Michael will see the golden burst of magic, feel as Lucifer suddenly becomes smaller in his hands, because Lucifer's wings disappear entirely. ]
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Date: 2024-09-04 08:16 pm (UTC)[ behind the hands, he attempts to squint out of habit against the light. even before the wings disappear, he finds himself reaching out as if to catch the light. instead, his hand dips over one of Lucifer’s shoulders to check for the wings.
it surprises him of course, but it also gives him an opportunity. he hooks one arm beneath his twin’s knees, lets the hand of the other find his back and pushes off of the ground with his hooves to move them off of the floor. it might appear to be a seamless move but it comes with a dull ache that he ignores. very carefully, he turns to deposit him on the bed before taking the spot beside him. without the wings, he has a much easier time pulling him to his chest. he hopes the proximity might soothe his anxiety some more. ]
Even if you do not feel like sleeping, rest your eyes. [ the claws of his dominant hand have already started raking through his hair again, carefully tucking it behind an ear. his voice is a whisper at best. ] If I guard you, no one can harm you. If fear tries to find you again, I’ll simply have to turn it away.
There is no safer place for you than here with me.