The Choices Made [for Daily / admonish]

[thisducks]

[ He didn't understand.

He didn't understand why they were all so mad at him. Everyone was so mad. Being shoved into a silent, dark room and told to stay there in a tone that brook no argument... it felt like hours ago. Deep inside, he was afraid for Lilith. He had no idea where she was, how mad they were at her. All of it felt so incredibly confusing and seeing the people he loved look that angry, that... scared? It left him shook to his core.

So Lucifer sat in silence, his wings wrapped around him like a tight cocoon, with his knees drawn up and his arms wrapped around his knees. He thought of Sera scolding him for saying he loved the humans with all his heart when she finally caught him sneaking down to the Garden. He thought of Lilith crying, telling him the words Adam had spoken to her that made her angry until she cried in his arms, and how he eased her tears and found ways to make her smile again. How he'd wanted her to be free when she said she felt like she was in a cage.

It'd all made sense in his head, before. What difference would her knowing more make to the other angels? Then he'd feared Eve would be trapped in the same way, what if Adam would do the same..?

He'd just wanted them to be happy.

So why was everyone so angry at him? ]

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[thisducks]

[ In Michael's wings, as that ancient comfort hits Lucifer, all he can do is sob. They're heart breaking sounds, like an animal wounded, with the erratic breathing of someone crying as hard as they can. Reality and nightmare blend and it leaves Lucifer unable to parse out the truth - hollow, black pits with fire or eyes full of icy hatred, damaged wings and claw wounds or a coldfire blade rammed through his chest and out his back, his loving brother comforting him in their fallen state or one showing fake care in order to damn him?

He finds himself trembling, shaking as if he's chilled to the bone and he can't make it stop. Even the black length of tail has unconsciously wound itself around his waist in a new form of self-comfort. An aching chest manages to suck in a hard breath, one that hurts to his core but he needs to breathe even if it results in another gut-wrenching sob.

Thankfully, not even someone as traumatized as Lucifer can keep up that kind of crying for too long. His already exhausted body finally dumps out the last of its fear-induced adrenaline, the sounds lose their volume until they vanish entirely, with the shaking the last element to go. It leaves him bundled up tight in his brother's arms with his chest, back, and eyes sore. ]

[admonish]

[ only when the sobs begin to die down does he pluck at the fabric of the blanket to reveal his face again. by this time, the hands have covered his eyes again and any rage he felt before has been leashed in favor of making sure he is okay. ]

Shh, shhh.. I am here, nothing will bring you any harm. I promised.

[ gone is the rough voice, he speaks quietly and with hesitation. like he is carefully choosing what words to say so he doesn’t upset him further. a clawed hand finds his hair, itching at his scalp as it did before. he seemed to enjoy the attention, so he is hopeful it will do something for him now.

when he feels him slump a bit, he holds him even closer. other than the gesture he doesn’t make a move to touch him again, opting instead to let him come to him when he is ready. if he wants to tell him what happened he will, but far be it from him to try and pry it from him now. to push now would only cause him to retreat further into himself.

instead, he begins to hum a song, one he often used to calm him down when he was feeling particularly anxious. he can recall the words but believes the melody itself will be enough when accompanied by him smoothing his hair back. ]

[thisducks]

[ It takes time. It takes those soothing gestures, the familiar hum, to finally break through Lucifer's boiling emotions to let logic finally get its grip back in the driver's seat. Once it does, his head slowly lifts to look up at his brother - what will he see? Pits, hatred? Neither. Those strange hands again, hiding his brother's eyes. Maybe, he decides, it's for the better right now. ]

Michael. [ Just a soft whisper, but it's spoken in relief. His fingers reach out and slowly touch flesh anywhere they can find, then pull his brother in closer. The racing heart pounding in his chest has finally slowed to a normal beat, letting him curl up in closer to Michael with his head on his brother's shoulder. ]

...I love you. [ Another whisper, but at its end, he found himself holding his breath, waiting for the reply. It even feels like his heart stops as it waits for Michael's response. He needs to set it against the nightmare, to wield it like a shield against the blade the nightmare had pierced through him. ]

[admonish]

[ since he has finally calmed down, he winds an arm around his shoulders and uses the other hand to wipe any leftover tears away. he might not be able to see his expression but the fact that his trembling is starting to pass tells him all he needs to know, while also giving him even more questions.

for the present time, the only thing he is aware of is his own need to hold him and never let go. the nightmare is still vivid in his mind, having a physical reminder that he is actually here is the only thing keeping him from losing it again.

at the declaration, he turns his face and kisses the top of his head. he can feel that Lucifer is not the creature from the dream but a part of him is waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under him. ]

I love you too. When you want to talk about it, know that I am here—and I always will be. You landed awkwardly, are you hurt?

[thisducks]

[ The very idea of telling Michael the truth of that vivid nightmare is nearly as terrifying as the nightmare itself. He knows Michael would take it horribly, maybe even make his brother question if he secretly believed Michael would do such a thing. Telling him feels out of the question, at least until they're far away from this mental state they're both in. ]

I- [ Saying "I am fine" is a lie, given that he is anything but fine, and lying to Michael is what got them both into this situation. ] My chest and back hurt. [ He admits it so softly, still holding onto Michael with a desperate strength. ] I think I was trying to use my wings. [ Their weight is heavy on his back, but he has to believe that they will fix themselves with time because the idea of them being broken for the rest of eternity is an impossibility he cannot comprehend and unlike his brother, the other idea of cutting them off is just as impossible. Angels were born to fly, even before they could walk.

But, maybe, there is another choice. He can change his shape, after all. Maybe he could just, for a little while-

Michael will see the golden burst of magic, feel as Lucifer suddenly becomes smaller in his hands, because Lucifer's wings disappear entirely. ]

[admonish]

It will take time for us to adjust to being without them and mistakes will be made. Fortunately, thanks to someone, I have a salve I can apply to your chest as well.

[ behind the hands, he attempts to squint out of habit against the light. even before the wings disappear, he finds himself reaching out as if to catch the light. instead, his hand dips over one of Lucifer’s shoulders to check for the wings.

it surprises him of course, but it also gives him an opportunity. he hooks one arm beneath his twin’s knees, lets the hand of the other find his back and pushes off of the ground with his hooves to move them off of the floor. it might appear to be a seamless move but it comes with a dull ache that he ignores. very carefully, he turns to deposit him on the bed before taking the spot beside him. without the wings, he has a much easier time pulling him to his chest. he hopes the proximity might soothe his anxiety some more. ]

Even if you do not feel like sleeping, rest your eyes. [ the claws of his dominant hand have already started raking through his hair again, carefully tucking it behind an ear. his voice is a whisper at best. ] If I guard you, no one can harm you. If fear tries to find you again, I’ll simply have to turn it away.

There is no safer place for you than here with me.