The Choices Made [for Daily / admonish]
May. 14th, 2024 08:18 pm[ He didn't understand.
He didn't understand why they were all so mad at him. Everyone was so mad. Being shoved into a silent, dark room and told to stay there in a tone that brook no argument... it felt like hours ago. Deep inside, he was afraid for Lilith. He had no idea where she was, how mad they were at her. All of it felt so incredibly confusing and seeing the people he loved look that angry, that... scared? It left him shook to his core.
So Lucifer sat in silence, his wings wrapped around him like a tight cocoon, with his knees drawn up and his arms wrapped around his knees. He thought of Sera scolding him for saying he loved the humans with all his heart when she finally caught him sneaking down to the Garden. He thought of Lilith crying, telling him the words Adam had spoken to her that made her angry until she cried in his arms, and how he eased her tears and found ways to make her smile again. How he'd wanted her to be free when she said she felt like she was in a cage.
It'd all made sense in his head, before. What difference would her knowing more make to the other angels? Then he'd feared Eve would be trapped in the same way, what if Adam would do the same..?
He'd just wanted them to be happy.
So why was everyone so angry at him? ]
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Date: 2024-06-25 11:32 pm (UTC)I... I could! There is no one to tell us no any longer... [ The water started to ripple as Lucifer's wings, held up above as he knows the water will get ashy all over again, are quivering hard enough in excite to affect the tub. ]
I could make them a lovely pond, and grasses to live in, and some trees... I need to attempt something like a sun!
[ He pauses, then sheepishly- ] After our defenses, of course.
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Date: 2024-06-26 05:35 pm (UTC)it is more than endearing, it gives him a moment of peace where he isn’t thinking about their current situation, but rather the moment that bright and shining face first ran towards him with his new creation in the. even then, if he had to be honest, he would wonder if the inspiration for them was Lucifer himself.
when he looks over his shoulder again it is with a brilliantly fond smile that softens his face considerably. ]
I can feel your wings trembling, you concentrate on your ducks and I will finalize our defenses. It would bring you comfort to see them daily and me comfort to know that you have joy.
When I have a solid foundation in place for our defenses, we can move onto them. Will that work for you?
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Date: 2024-06-26 11:01 pm (UTC)Of course it does! I want to help you with the defenses - you know how it should be, I can make whatever you need. I will do what it may take to complete turning this place to as much of a paradise as we are able.
[ With Michael, he can shine, knowing he will never be alone but also, that his back will not be a place to strike for whatever lies beyond the fences of their little homestead. Inside his heart, he makes his own silent promise to his brother.
I will do everything in my power to make you happy, and I will always love you.
With one last nuzzle, then a sneeze as ash tickles his nose, Lucifer sits back. ]
...We might want to get this all out of our hair, too.
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Date: 2024-06-28 05:39 am (UTC)[ when he hugs him, he briefly rests one of his hands against his arm, squeezing it. for all the pain they have endured since their arrival here, a moment like this nearly makes it all worth it. to picture his brother as anything other than this, he does not dare it, but it will haunt his dreams tonight. ]
I can think of no other person I would rather help me than you, and not simply because we are the only ones present. You understand the way my mind works without me having to utter a single word, so I know that whatever we decide upon will be constructed masterfully and with the utmost care.
[ the hand on Lucifer’s arm moves to his face to cradle it for a moment. there is nothing in this world he would not do to ensure the owner of this face kept smiling, nothing at all. one day that may come to change him in ways but he does not dwell on it now.
instead, much in the way his twin does, he makes his own solemn vow: to love, cherish and protect him from harm no matter which direction it comes from, with the same determination that sent him here. at the sneeze, he murmurs a quiet bless you without their Father’s name attached. he doesn’t even notice it. ]
Removing it from our hair will prove easier than getting it out of our wings. Perhaps you should refrain from further nuzzling until then, hm?
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Date: 2024-07-01 02:35 pm (UTC)[ The smile can be heard in his voice as Lucifer finishes, shifting back again and after a few moments to think about how best to handle it, comes up with an idea. He gently urges Michael to move backwards with him, then hops up onto the edge of the tub, his wings draping outside and dripping onto the floor. There is little reason to care though, focused on his task. ]
There we go. Lean your head back, onto my lap. That way, I can rinse the ash from your hair properly. I think I could actually get it nearly fully clean, with a bit of work! ...Even if our wings will take longer than that.
[ A look towards the brighter side of things, even if that brighter side may be dim still. Beside him, Lucifer summons a small bowl and more importantly, a comb. That way, he'll be able to work through his brother's matching
duck butthair and get it clean. ]no subject
Date: 2024-07-02 08:38 pm (UTC)[ he does as he is told to do with zero hesitation, angling his wings in such a way that they don’t get in the way of his methods. hearing the feathers of his brother’s wings dripping on the ground is amusing. while he settles back and takes his position, he finds himself shifting again so he can reach out and run his fingers over one of his hooved legs.
it is a slow and meticulous process, he doesn’t leave a single inch of that leg unmapped, even going as far as to manipulate the various parts in an effort to perfect his balance later.
leaning his head back into his lap, he lets his arm settle back into the water and allows him to get to work. ]
I have brushed your hair before, so I am certain I will have no trouble taking care of your hair as well. Thank you. When we have finished cleansing ourselves, I think the next task on our agenda should be resting.
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Date: 2024-07-03 04:14 am (UTC)...I would not mind a long rest. [ And that is where Lucifer, wisely, decides to leave it. There's no point in making Michael grow more concerned than he already is by saying he wants to sleep to help the pain, to forget temporarily about all that has happened in such a short time, to not feel the painful chill of fear and the betrayal of home that lingers in his chest.
But even as he slowly and silently works through Michael's hair, he realizes that he has no idea what has happened to Lilith and Adam. For all that he had protected Lilith, wanted so badly to see her happy and free, that never meant he loved Adam any less. Now... now, without a doubt, something has happened to them both. It would be so easy for Father to decide they were a failure, to go so far as to destroy-
His hands stop completely in their motions, not seeing that the gold has returned beneath his fingers, as the horrible realization stops his heart in his chest. ]
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Date: 2024-07-03 05:01 am (UTC)[ he certainly can’t be referring to unwillingness to break a rule, as he showed him today the he was perfectly capable of doing so. maybe it is how, on occasion, he finds he talks to himself when something particularly vexing is on his mind, but that is only because it helps him focus. ]
If you are not against it, I will stay with you. It would put you at ease knowing that when you wake up, you will not think you are alone here. Even now, thinking of what could have been..
[ he finds himself trailing off not because he is hesitant to continue, but because something feels off. sure enough, Lucifer freezes up and Michael lifts his head off of his lap so he can turn and reach up to take his hands. he doesn’t say anything immediately, instead taking his hands and drawing them to his own face to give him an anchor point. ]
Concentrate on me, Lucifer. Listen to my voice and come back to me. What is it that troubles you?
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Date: 2024-07-04 03:57 pm (UTC)[ But as he lost to his own thoughts, it shows the darker side to his incredible Gifts. That he might alone have been given such a power as his imagination and everything to give it birth, it means that perhaps he alone could have so defied their Father's orders. It means that when the blackness rises in him, it so easily shades everything and is raised higher by the power of his own dreaming, until it simply takes over.
Thankfully, with a brother like Michael, there is someone who knows how to pull him back. ]
...what if He destroys them? [ Even after all this, even in their state brought low, he's worried about his beloved humans. ] Because... because of me... they might be hurt, or scared, or- or- [ Michael will feel when the tear falls, hitting one of the hands across his eyes where Lucifer is leaning forward, temporarily as unseeing as his brother. ]
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Date: 2024-07-04 04:49 pm (UTC)[ look at him bristling at the latter accusations. ] It is tedious and time consuming, I groom them well enough. And I do not talk in my sleep. [ he absolutely does but will never outright admit to it because, being asleep, he never gets to hear himself. ]
He would not do so. [ there is no hesitation or room to question his opinion. ] If anything was meant to happen to them, it would have happened during the Trial. I cannot be certain about other matters but of that? I am certain. They did not arrive with us so, whatever He decided to do, they were not punished severely.
[ uncaring of their state of undress, he shifts in the tub to face him, resting on his knees so he can reach out and hug him around the middle. there is nothing else he can say, they both know something happened to the humans. his humans. feeling about with his hands, he reaches up and cradles his face in both hands. ]
Remember than I cannot, and would not, lie to you. Trust when I say that they are safe, wherever they are. They have an inner strength they have not yet tested. Have faith in them.
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Date: 2024-07-05 02:30 am (UTC)His head lifts to look Michael in the eyes - or at least where his eyes should be - while his own well over with tears. They pour down his face in silent fear, so deeply, deeply worried for them. They would never know how much he cared, how worried he is even now for them... there's a sob that rips out of Lucifer, a sound as raw as the agony in his chest. His head comes down to Michael's, gripping at his shoulders as he admits the truth. ]
The last words I ever said to Adam were us fighting! I just wanted to understand what was happening and he was so angry with me- and now Lilith is all alone- Michael, I deserve to be here! You don't-! Their strength should not need to be tested, you should not be blind and hurt- I am everything they told me I am! I do make everything worse and now I've made all of you lose everything-!
[ Another sob tears through his throat as his wings curl inward, his whole body tensing like he is an animal ready to bolt. ]
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Date: 2024-07-05 03:12 am (UTC)[ but he is unable to get a word in edgewise before his brother breaks down, he can feel the tears falling even before he hears the sob. it breaks his heart and fills him with something unfamiliar to him, something dark that comes to life just beneath the surface. rage. not at his poor brother but at the one who pushed him out so callously without even looking upon his tear-stained face.
he had to watch it, had to look upon his other half as he trembled like a little rabbit under the threat of retribution. where was Father? unable to attend or unwilling to look upon the face He loved so dearly as the owner of it fell from the heavens? one of his hands grip the edge of the tub so tightly that it makes a noise of protest, as if it might soon give way. ]
Lucifer-
[ he is cut off again as Lucifer finally crumbles under the pressure, just as he feared he would. he can’t see him, he can’t look him in the eye and tell him everything will be okay because he would be lying. there will be difficult times even on the best of days but it is something they can overcome together.
Michael, I deserve to be here! You don't-!
that is the straw that breaks the camels back. he grits his teeth, trying to bring himself back down but he is unable to. the voice that spills from his lips is sharp, commanding and full of anger, fully reflecting his newly acquired demonic nature. ]
Lucifer!
[ just as quickly it is gone and Michael sinks back into the water, covering his face with a hand. he yelled at him, something he has never done before and he could not possibly feel any worse than he does right now for it. he does not reach for him again just yet. ]
Enough. Please. No one deserves to be here, you least of all, but we are here and to lose ourselves now is not an option. The things that I lost are unimportant, and I know that they would agree with me. Friends fight, Lucifer, nothing is perfect, but the love we share for you is the closest thing to it. I would Fall a thousand times over if it meant you would not spend a second here alone.
Blaming yourself like this and losing hope is not like you, my brother. Do not let Him win.
[ he finally reaches for him again, to pull him in close so he can smooth his hair back despite the ash. ]
I will never chastise you for your tears but I made my own choice, and I do not regret it. I need you to be strong, Lucifer, stronger than you ever thought you could be—because you are.
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Date: 2024-07-05 03:43 am (UTC)Nothing about it is conscious, but from Lucifer's perspective, he is seeing and hearing something like he's never before. He had looked up just in time to see what looked like fire blazing beneath those covering hands, the lash of a tail just above the water, combined with the voice that sounded nothing like the Michael he had known all of his existence. Michael had never so much as raised his voice to him, never mind... this. ]
I'm sorry. [ Lucifer's voice sounds so small, then even quieter when his head dips down. He'd told himself to be strong for Michael, knowing that his brother would need him to be strong and he's already failed that so soon.
He isn't strong, and he knows it, but Michael needs him to be. His whole body throbs in a point of pain - from the blood marks at his chest and back, to his aching wings, to muscles sore from the contortion of bones within during their change.
Don't let Him win. ]
...I'm sorry, Michael.
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Date: 2024-07-05 04:22 am (UTC)his voice is quiet again, with no hint of the venom it held before. ]
No. I am sorry. I should not have—
[ but he did, making excuses for it now does little for the mental image Lucifer will have to live with now. all he can do is reassure him as best he can, to remind him that his anger was directed at someone other than him. ]
My anger was not for you, it will never be directed at you. I am not asking you to change any part about yourself but I will ask you not to shoulder blame that is not yours to suffer. Lilith chose and so did I, and we would make the same choice again. To exist in a world where you are not would be worse than this.
[ he reaches up and wipes his tears away with a surprising amount of care, leaning in to kiss one cheek and then the other. ]
I cannot thrive in a place where you are not, because I would not be complete. Be my hope, Lucifer, and I will be your strength. Confide in me when you are afraid and I will show you there is nothing to fear.
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Date: 2024-07-06 06:06 am (UTC)I'm trying, I swear I am. I cannot be as strong as you, but I will keep trying! I cannot help but but scared for them; I have you and they do not. We know what happened and they do not. I- I made my choice... and took theirs away by doing so.
[ His voice drops away, sounding so very tired in a way Lucifer never does. Always full of energy, always wanting to go, to learn more- usually only falling asleep when he's completely exhausted himself. Today, tonight, time no longer has a relevance, they've both gone beyond their exhaustion points. ]
...Let me wash my hair, and we can sleep. I'll be quick about it.
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Date: 2024-07-06 07:00 am (UTC)[ when their foreheads meet, he tilts his face as if meaning to look at him. finally, he tilts his face up and presses a kiss to his crown before nudging their foreheads together again. ]
If you believe in nothing else, believe in their strength. I wish that I could give you the answers that you seek, but I cannot. If there comes a time when I am able to, I will ask about them. You have my word.
And I am perfectly capable of helping you wash your hair. [ one clawed hand reaches up to run through his hair, itching at his scalp as it does so. he never uses enough pressure to hurt, but he also knows his own limitations right now so, after a moment, he relents. ]
At least allow me to hold the bowl steady, so I do not feel useless sitting here.
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Date: 2024-07-07 02:21 am (UTC)All three of them are incredibly strong. ...I think Eve will need to be the strongest of all. [ His voice goes even softer, a little sadder instead of the anguish of before. ] I was excited to see the tiny human.
[ Lucifer's eyes close as he leans into the itching, his wings quivering at the feeling. ] You are not useless! You don't need to be useful in everything... but- [ He summons more clean water into the bowl, instead turning and putting the comb into Michael's hand. ] Let me scrub through it once in the water, then we can get out the rest together. Deal?
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Date: 2024-07-08 01:09 am (UTC)[ he continues to play with his hair not just to put him at ease, but also to get an idea of how much ash they are dealing with. more than he initially thought, it’s a wonder how Lucifer managed to get it out of his hair. at the mention of the tiny human, he feels his own heart drop. ]
To be the first of something is both a great honor and a great responsibility, having an inner strength bestowed upon them is necessary. We should know that better than anyone, hm? Being the first of our kind ourselves. It is because of that, knowing it was just us once before, that I know we will find our footing here.
[ despite feeling as if he is just trying to placate him, he does smile and shift the comb between his fingers. ]
Deal. Yes, I do not need to be, but it is preferable. I dislike being caught unaware.
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Date: 2024-07-08 03:43 am (UTC)Michael's responsibilities had continued, and his... hadn't. The beginning of what likely led to- well, all of this. ]
I know. [ Lucifer leans forward to kiss his brother's forehead, then shifts forward and into the water so that he can dunk his head down and furiously scrub into it with his fingertips, wincing a time or two as deeply unused to claws as he is, but at least being able to swish away the floating ash to cycle in some cleaner water a few times before flipping his head back. It throws water up on the wall behind him, but that he can ignore to make his scalp less itchy!
Only then does he come back over to Michael, settling himself in front of his brother. It means his wings will be in the water, but he'll dry them both off once they mean to step out completely. ]
It's strange... with no sun. I feel like I have no idea what time it is, or even if it's day or night.
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Date: 2024-07-08 03:40 pm (UTC)to distract him, Michael carefully leans over as if meaning to run the comb through his hair—and promptly begins to gently brush the teeth of the comb against his neck instead. he tries to contain his smile but is unable to, though he is at least able to keep from laughing. he continues on as if he isn’t completely missing the mark for a few passes. ]
I seem to recall you having more hair than this, Lucifer.
[ no, no, he can’t keep up the charade. his shoulders shake with a quiet laugh as the comb finally finds his hair, beginning to carefully pull any remaining ash out before he cleans off the brush and resumes the task again. ]
You are the architect here, it can be whatever time you wish it to be. If it would help, since we are exhausted, you can say it is night. Figuring out some measure of time here would be beneficial, I think. Perhaps then it would not feel so strange to look upon an unchanged sky.
We can worry about that tomorrow, we will have clearer heads after we have been able to rest. Do you think you could make a salve? Once we are out of the water, I can rub it into your back. Our wings may be useless now but I imagine the muscles in our backs will be tender tomorrow.
That icon is *so pretty*
Date: 2024-07-09 06:49 pm (UTC)[ The idea that he is the architect so much so that he can control if it is night or day... it puts a thought in his head, perhaps a dangerous one, when he whispers more to himself than his brother: ] Does that make me like Father? He who controls things like the sun and moon...
[ But he clears his throat and nods to the question. ] I can! Something that will warm the muscles and ease their ache- for both of us. [ Meaning only if Michael allows him to return the favor. His eyes close as he concentrates, imagining just the right substance and a container for it. The golden light appears before he breathes out, then it pops into existence. Smiling, his thumb draws over the marble container about as big as his fist and lifts the cover. It smells wonderful with the scent of warming spices. Lucifer reaches over and puts it on the broad edge of the tub for them to use when they're done. ]
it’s one of my faves
Date: 2024-07-12 02:46 am (UTC)[ he pauses midway through combing through a section of hair then tips his head forward, so he can look in his direction. the statement is such a simple one, the Lucifer present before him now could and would never abuse that power but, even so, he finds himself feeling uneasy. ] .. No. Not like Father, not at all, because you would never do this to another soul. If they have questions, we will give them an answer rather than an excuse. You will be, I believe, even greater than Father because you know both love and pain. In truth, I have wondered if He ever felt them at all.
[ emotions, that is. he is still reeling from the realization that the one who created them would sooner turn His back on them than find a diplomatic solution. Michael orchestrated his own Fall but Lucifer? that is the part of the story that bothers him most, He never even tried to see the world through his brother’s eyes. to create a being so full of love, light and hope, then punish it when it bestows them upon another? he does not understand it. ]
For both of us, yes. Thank you. [ he wants to be useful tomorrow rather than holed up in a room because he is too sore. and he knows if he declines it, Lucifer will do the exact same thing—it is their shared trait, that inherent stubbornness. he cleans the comb off in the bowl and lets it pass through his hair a few more times before: ]
Does that feel better?
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Date: 2024-07-16 04:13 am (UTC)However, at the surprising response to his off-hand statement, Lucifer's eyes open and he blinks up at the ceiling. That isn't what he had meant, but he can't say that Michael is wrong. He can't help his soft words of reply, though. ] I... I don't understand. I would have said for certain... that Father loved us. I have so many memories of His joy, His laughter, His encouragement... do you really think it could have all been a lie?
[ He huffs very softly, but not entirely in disagreement with Michael. Maybe it had been. All a show to make him happy... without actually being able to feel it. He focuses on thinking of what would need to go into such a salve - something to warm the muscles into releasing their tension, something to encourage the damage to heal, and something to gently numb the pain away so they could sleep well.
He runs his fingers through his hair at the question and nods. ] Yep! Thank you, brother. Maybe we'll itch less in the morning than I fear... though I'm still fairly sure going through our wings and hair dry will release a significant amount that was loosened by this.
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Date: 2024-07-16 05:49 pm (UTC)[ it really is that simple, it’s not as if he is in a position to cut it anymore. if it became a nuisance, the solution is simple enough. when his voice softens, he is almost instantaneously rethinking his words. ]
Father is capable of many things but to regard matters with an unbiased eye, sometimes one has to remove themselves from the bigger picture. I believe He created us to govern His emotions and act where He could not. [ he taps the comb against Lucifer’s cheek with a soft hum. ] It would be hypocritical for Him to lie when we are unable to, so no, I do not think it was a lie. But it is very complicated, perhaps far too much to dwell on tonight.
[ due to him nearly falling when he tried to get into the tub, his movements are much more precise as he stands and proceeds to start climbing out. ] If that is the case, we should be able to remove the last of it in a day or so. No matter how we feel in the morning, I want to go back out there and see if I can start planning for our defenses.
[ all work and no play, some things really don’t change. he offers a hand in his general direction to help him exit the tub as well. ]
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Date: 2024-07-23 03:26 am (UTC)[ But his brother's words about their father give him a lot to think about, coming at it from a view point he has never even considered before. Father has always seemed like them, just something... more. Someone who has always been and whom he has always loved, and he believed loved him. It had always simply been. Never questioned, never anything but is. When something so fundamental to one's life is ripped out from beneath them, what is there to but question everything else?
Maybe he is naive, but as he takes Michael's hand and climbs out of the tub, he can't and won't question his brother or his love. ]
When we wake, it will be the first dawn. Then we can look at what we have here and plan from there. [ He looks down at the still-alien hooves at the end of his legs and clicks one against the stone floor, wrinkling his nose before he decides to ignore the uneasy feeling looking at them brings in order to call to his hands two towels. ]
...I can't tell if it's warm or cold here. [ He says quietly as he nudges the towel to Michael's arm, knowing his twin is likely to want to handle drying himself. ] For tonight, I am going to enclose where we sleep. For our safety and so we can get warmed up. Does that sound like a plan?
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