The Choices Made [for Daily / admonish]

[thisducks]

[ He didn't understand.

He didn't understand why they were all so mad at him. Everyone was so mad. Being shoved into a silent, dark room and told to stay there in a tone that brook no argument... it felt like hours ago. Deep inside, he was afraid for Lilith. He had no idea where she was, how mad they were at her. All of it felt so incredibly confusing and seeing the people he loved look that angry, that... scared? It left him shook to his core.

So Lucifer sat in silence, his wings wrapped around him like a tight cocoon, with his knees drawn up and his arms wrapped around his knees. He thought of Sera scolding him for saying he loved the humans with all his heart when she finally caught him sneaking down to the Garden. He thought of Lilith crying, telling him the words Adam had spoken to her that made her angry until she cried in his arms, and how he eased her tears and found ways to make her smile again. How he'd wanted her to be free when she said she felt like she was in a cage.

It'd all made sense in his head, before. What difference would her knowing more make to the other angels? Then he'd feared Eve would be trapped in the same way, what if Adam would do the same..?

He'd just wanted them to be happy.

So why was everyone so angry at him? ]

Comments

[thisducks]

[ Lucifer huffs at his brother's 'polite' insult about his voice, as if Michael couldn't also be heard across distances when he decides to be particularly vocal. When Michael pulls two at once, it finally gets a pained whimper to escape him, his arms squeezing in against his chest. His brother's gentle ministrations to try and ease the pain helps, as does the discussion. ]

Maybe there is no end to it... but we were walking on something solid out there. There must be something beneath all of that ash. I will know after some time if the ash is helping the plants outside, meaning my magic will be less needed, or if it is harming them and drawing on more of the magic I left behind.

[ Attempting to look over his shoulder, Lucifer can't help but ask: ]

Do you have any ideas? I want it to be a home for both of us.

[admonish]

Forgive me, pulling both at once was necessary. I believe that is the last one on this wing. [ likely not a huge comfort, but he is aiming to be as gentle as possible and even gives him breaks between wings. instead of plucking feathers now, he cups some water between both hands and lets it rain down on the connective tissues in the middle of his back—a gesture which he repeats a couple of times before answering. ]

No. Is it not enough for me to reside here with you? I need nothing else.

[ he does have ideas, of course, but without the ability to see they would be useless to him. able to hear that he is facing him somewhat, he dips his hand into the water and flicks the droplets at him to get him to face forward again. partially because he doesn’t want him to see how pensive he is and partially because the wings are still in rough shape. he can see them when he finishes. ]

What about a room dedicated to your creations? To house them, even. Surely you will bore of my company eventually and need an escape of your own.

[thisducks]

[ Lucifer gives a little squeak at the flick of water at him, but he properly faces forward and resettles. However, at the suggestion he'll grow bored of Michael, he tenses up and shakes his head. ]

I won't grow bored of you! Bored of our situation... maybe? But I would love to create all sorts of new creatures. Bring... life to this dark space. ...Will you help me? To make something very big, I will need more energy than I have, and I want to make a nice big space of green where they can live. And- a sun! Or something like a sun... so the green stays alive!

[ His wings start to flutter in his excitement, his mind filled with images and thoughts and birthing new things into the world purely by his imagination. He is possibility. ]

Or maybe huge plants that can live in darkness!

[admonish]

How can you be certain?

[ now it’s more than obvious he is teasing him, he knows he is about as likely to get bored of him as he is to get bored of literature. it is not even in the realm of possibility.

when he starts rambling about his ideas, he sits back and listens with a dutiful ear and a smile. even something as bleak as Falling could not crush his spirit or dim his light, he really is in awe of him. mindful of the wings, he wraps his arms around his shoulders. ]

Of course I will. Whatever you need of me, simply ask and I will provide it.

[ he pulls away to begin working on his second and third wings, which don’t appear to have suffered as much damage as the first. still, he carefully fans one of them out and begin tracing the feathers to find the broken ones. ]

For now, we need to rest and regain our strength. We still do not know if we are the only ones here. I would rather not be caught unaware.

[thisducks]

[ At the hug around his shoulders, Lucifer reaches up and squeezes Michael's arms in as much of a hug as he can do without turning around. ]

Love you. [ Just a soft murmur, but meant with all of his heart. While all of their wings are covered in ash and likely will take several rounds of a bath to get clean, at least there's not nearly as much damage on the other wings. There's one feather completely twisted sideways that can be set and another that is broken, but other than looking a bit ragged, they have faired better. ]

Do you think there might be something we can do to give us advanced warning that something is coming? I could... perhaps create a dome that will enclose us and this green space? That way, something would need to penetrate it to get to anything within.

[admonish]

And I you, that will never change.

[ he Fell for him, that goes without saying, but a gentle verbal reminder never hurt anyone. ]

If we combine our power, we can even extend it beyond that so we have time to prepare a defense if the intruder is hostile. If we can help it, I would rather speak to them before taking up arms. Our blood has already soaked into the ash here, I will shed no more unless it is necessary. A peaceful resolution would be beneficial to everyone involved.

[ but he is no dreamer, he knows there may come a time when he will be forced to wield his blade against someone or something that may not back down. there is very little he won’t do to protect Lucifer, to make sure that bright, flickering flame never dies out. because if he ever loses hope, then the both of them will be doomed.

after removing the broken feather, he stretches an arm around to offer it to him before going back to cleaning his wings. ]

That should be the worst of it, you were fortunate, but I think it will take more time to preen them fully. The feathers are so delicate that the ash has soaked into them and set. While I do not believe it will stain, the texture will feel odd until we manage to flush it out entirely.

[ a pause, so he can work a feather between his fingers to test the consistency of the ash that remains. ] Perhaps three or four more soaks will do it.

[thisducks]

[ At Michael's suggestion about extending the dome, Lucifer hums in agreement as he debates ways that an intruder could be nullified as a danger without spilling more blood. ]

Perhaps something penetrating the dome could set off a magical trip, one that will ensnare it in rope so it would not be hurt, but also will not be able to come after us?

[ The offered feather gets taken, with Lucifer looking at the ash-colored feather where they had been so very white and sighing to himself. It will come out. They will heal. ...They have to. The thought of useless, broken wings dragged around forever? It terrifies him, but not as much as the gruesome idea of having to cut them off.

He plans to give them plenty of time before he goes that route; he just has to make sure Michael doesn't do anything foolish as well. ]

Are you finished, then? I am going to get rid of this water and refill so I can work on yours. ...I also want to see what damage the spear did.

[ What would be true on Michael is likely mirrored on him, so at least he'll have a better idea of where to focus his own self-healing. ]

[admonish]

Yes, that would be the most humane of our options. A rope will do little good if they have a weapon at their disposal but I do not think we will have to concern ourselves with that for the time being. Anyone who travels here, I do not think it will be of their own accord. They will likely be as lost as we were, so we should treat them with care and abate their fears.

[ his tone is full of warmth and fondness as he speaks, a thoughtful smile tugging at his lips. anyone who arrives in this place will need reassurance and guidance, both of which they can provide. ]

Yes, I believe I have done as much as I can with this water. Continuing with it will only ruin the work I have accomplished, there is too much ash in it for it to continue being useful.

[ a simple yes would suffice but that has never been his style. he scoots away from him to give him room to work while dipping a hand into the water. it is as he said: he can feel the ash-filled water sifting between his fingertips and leaving a residue. far too filthy to be effective in cleaning. ]

I could not feel an open wound, but you are welcome to look for yourself.

[ carefully, he stands in the tub and shifts so that his back is to him. as he can’t see them for himself, he tilts his face to listen for his brother’s reaction. there are a number of broken and damaged feathers but also that area where it looks like something tried to take a bite out of him. no matter how Lucifer pushes and prods, there will be no flinching or sounds of pain from him even if he does feel it. ]

What do you see?

[thisducks]

[ It only takes a moment for Lucifer to connect the dots, looking to his brother with deeply concerned eyes. ] You do not believe... Father would send more down here, do you? [ Worse, his fingers coming up to grip one another at his chest, could there have been others sent before them? ]

If He does, or there are others... you are right, Michael. We must do what we can. [ His look to the side might be unseen, but the change in his voice is evident. ] He has sent us here to be our prison and punishment. I would see it turn into a Haven.

[ Neither Michael nor himself could see the flash across his eyes of crimson with his words.

With a sweep of his hand, Lucifer removed the ashy water from existence and replaced it with fresh hot water, to allow Michael his time to soak. Lucifer's eyes are drawn to the spot where the spear had gone through, telling Michael quietly that there is a matched spot of gold on his, and therefore, their backs. He touches his own in empathy before he starts gently overlooking his brother's six wings-

-the loud gasp when he finds the wound spoils any attempt to ease Michael to the idea. His fingertips are as tender as they can be as he looks the wound over, making an assessment with his stomach turning over. ]

If... I had to guess, it looks like something... bit you. I can- can see the bone of your wing.

[admonish]

Much of what I believed has been called into question but if Father was willing to send you here, He would absolutely send others. Better to corral us all into one place than speak of matters with a cool head.

[ funny he should mention cool heads because he doesn’t sound calm at all. there is a foreign bitterness lingering just under the surface but he is wise enough to mask it as soon as he notices it. ]

While He showed intolerance, we will be tolerant. He sent us away, we will welcome them with the warmth they were denied. With you at the forefront of it, I am certain it will become just that. A Haven for those who dared to dream, show them that they should not fear them but embrace them.

[ there is no audible shock from him, just a quiet resignation when he hears the gasp and the explanation that follows. even the probing fingers don’t elicit so much as a flinch. his wings ache but he isn’t about to give his brother something else to worry about right now, the pain is minimal in the grand scheme of things. ]

There is no pain, perhaps the spear was a kindness in that. It will take time but, as you said, they will heal. I can recall striking something as we Fell, shortly after I shielded your eyes. I did not see it but the pain was incredible.

The Eyes had to have a source.

[thisducks]

[ To Michael's words, Lucifer finds himself nodding in agreement. If Father will throw more angels down, then they would catch them. They can build this place to be something bigger and better than Heaven. Show Father that He had cost Himself more than He understood the day He would cast out His son.

When Michael speaks of the Fall, his fingers tremble without him realizing. His brother had turned them over, determined to take the brunt of the Fall, but Lucifer had seen them staring into his very soul. The endless Eyes, tearing him apart on a level deeper than anything had ever touched, seeing every memory and thought he had ever had and twisting them into the forms they bear now.

Lucifer's swallow is audible and his breath out shakes in his throat. ]

Then no matter what we see out in the ashes, we cannot believe we are alone.

[ A concept more terrifying than monsters out in the darkness. ]

...If it uses darkness... then we will bring light to drive it away. I know we can. Physically, mentally... everything-ly.

[admonish]

No, it would be foolish. No matter how long we are destined to stay here we should not grow complacent. I fear that the moment we do, that is when something profound will happen.

I do not mean to worry you by saying such things but we need to be prepared for whatever is sent our way. Friend or foe.

[ feeling the trembling of the hand, he twists his torso so he can reach back and both grab and steady it. ]

There is one thing I am certain of and that is that, together, we can accomplish anything. No matter the obstacle, we can overcome it as long as we have faith in one another and trust our instincts.

[ there isn’t so much as a tremor in his voice when he speaks the next part. it is beyond a promise. ]

As long as I am here, I will protect you with everything that I am. Be it evil, your doubt or the darkness lingering around us. Should you stray, I will always find you. The only thing I fear here is losing you.

[thisducks]

I am not a child, Michael. I know I cannot believe everything will be perfect and safe, and that we are in the dangerous unknown.

[ His eyes meet his twin's with a certain level of firm determination, believing very much so in Michael's words and the sworn oath. There is no place in him to even begin to doubt his brother means those words with everything in him. Still, he turns his hand to squeeze the one over his, trying to make his own voice sound as sure as the oath just made to him. ]

I will do everything to not be a weakness to you. When you cannot see, I will be your eyes. I will be the light in the darkness- for you, for anyone who finds themselves here, and against the evil we saw.

[ His voice falls softer, but it's matched by the touch to Michael's cheek, just below the strange hands over his eyes. ] If I lost you, I would lose myself. Just promise me you will not throw yourself in the path of the spear again. ...If you fell before it, I would have picked it up and finished the mission it had began.

[admonish]

I never claimed you were, I would have stated the same thing even if you were thousands of years older than me. I am simply more cautious than usual now, I am not accustomed to being caught unaware. You are my guiding light here, one I would be lost without.

[ still, he manages to sound apologetic at first. he is so used to having most of the answers that right now? he is doubting himself most of all, not Lucifer. ]

You have never and will never be a weakness, you are my strength. Even now, I do not think you realize how strong you truly are but I do hope, one day, you will see what I see.

[ he shakes his head, reaching up to touch the hand on his face. ] You know I cannot lie, Lucifer, that is not a promise I can make. Will it satisfy you if I say that I will be more mindful of my actions in the future? Father is not cruel, neither of us would have succumbed to it.

[ he almost seems to look right at him on the next part. ] Even a spear could not stop me if you were in danger.

[thisducks]

[ Really, it was exactly what he expected to hear from his brother and had still said what he did. Lucifer's smile in return, though unseen, might be heard in his response to Michael. A sad smile, trying so hard not to let his own heart fracture on his next words. ]

It is just us now, and maybe it will only ever be us. ...for either of us to fall takes the other out as well. [ Leaning forward to put their foreheads together, he murmurs softly. ] Truly two halves of the same, as we ever have been. I will do what I can to not put myself into danger, trusting that you will not throw yourself into unnecessary danger in return.

[ Lucifer kisses his brother's temple, then sits back and unfolds Michael's wing onto his lap. Like Michael, he could do this with his eyes closed if necessary, but it gives him something to focus on rather than the very real knowledge that they simply are not safe. To start, since the water is fresh, he begins to clean out the bite wound, glad Michael can't see his nose wrinkling as he carefully manipulates the wound to get all of the ash out of it. Then, he conjures into his hands first a balm to keep anything else out of it, smearing it with gently fingertips to coat the span of the injury. When he realizes bandages will not do well, he closes his eyes and simply imagines what he needs. A sort of skin about this big in size, that would cling to the surrounding feathers without damaging them but strong enough to stay on even with movement.

He makes it white in color with a pattern similar to the rows of tiny feathers, so the wound will be somewhat hidden, and summons it into existence with a golden flare of his magic. With a delicate touch, he applies it across the bite to seal it off. ]

...given that we do not know how long it will take us to heal, that will keep the bite clean until it finishes.

[admonish]

To that I can promise. Be my eyes and I will be your sword, you will never know loneliness while I am by your side.

[ he leans into the contact and briefly tries to follow him when he moves away but catches himself. the way their foreheads meet and the tenderness of the kiss makes his heart ache, wondering if this will only be a temporary peace.

though he never makes a sound throughout his work, a muscle in his back does twitch a bit near the tail end of the cleaning. it’s only Lucifer’s careful manipulation of his wing that clues him into how bad it could be. too big to be from a human-shaped mouth but also not large enough to require anything more than this. in conclusion: were he not in his brother’s company right now, he would have likely been unable to completely save the wing. ]

Thank you.

[ to combat his sadness, he tries to glance over his shoulder at him. if he fears being separated and left here alone, maybe he can be reassured by something else. recalling his fondness for them, he murmurs to him. ]

Perhaps in the quest to populate our humble abode, you can bring some of your ducklings to life. They brought you joy before, let them do the same for you now. If nothing else, the quiet will not be nearly as unnerving.

[thisducks]

[ Lucifer's gentle fingers had just started their work on Michael's feathers when Michael threw that idea out. His eyes go wide in realization that his brother is right. The creatures he had loved more dearly than any of his other creations - able to swim, float, fly, and adorably waddle. He had been so very, very proud to present them to Father and Sera to go to the new world... Father had enjoyed them, in his way, but Sera had only looked at him with apprehension and weariness. ]

I... I could! There is no one to tell us no any longer... [ The water started to ripple as Lucifer's wings, held up above as he knows the water will get ashy all over again, are quivering hard enough in excite to affect the tub. ]

I could make them a lovely pond, and grasses to live in, and some trees... I need to attempt something like a sun!

[ He pauses, then sheepishly- ] After our defenses, of course.

[admonish]

[ before he can catch himself, Michael laughs and it comes from a special place because, rather than the quiet ones he typically does, this one shakes his shoulders and carries. of course ducks would lull that delight out of him.

it is more than endearing, it gives him a moment of peace where he isn’t thinking about their current situation, but rather the moment that bright and shining face first ran towards him with his new creation in the. even then, if he had to be honest, he would wonder if the inspiration for them was Lucifer himself.

when he looks over his shoulder again it is with a brilliantly fond smile that softens his face considerably. ]

I can feel your wings trembling, you concentrate on your ducks and I will finalize our defenses. It would bring you comfort to see them daily and me comfort to know that you have joy.

When I have a solid foundation in place for our defenses, we can move onto them. Will that work for you?

[thisducks]

[ It lights up Lucifer even further to hear Michael laugh. A little sound of gasped joy leaves him before he nods several times, then wrapping his arms around his brother's neck, nuzzling at Michael's hair. ]

Of course it does! I want to help you with the defenses - you know how it should be, I can make whatever you need. I will do what it may take to complete turning this place to as much of a paradise as we are able.

[ With Michael, he can shine, knowing he will never be alone but also, that his back will not be a place to strike for whatever lies beyond the fences of their little homestead. Inside his heart, he makes his own silent promise to his brother.

I will do everything in my power to make you happy, and I will always love you.

With one last nuzzle, then a sneeze as ash tickles his nose, Lucifer sits back. ]

...We might want to get this all out of our hair, too.

[admonish]

Some things remain the same, even after all that has changed on our bodies. It brings me joy to feel your enthusiasm.

[ when he hugs him, he briefly rests one of his hands against his arm, squeezing it. for all the pain they have endured since their arrival here, a moment like this nearly makes it all worth it. to picture his brother as anything other than this, he does not dare it, but it will haunt his dreams tonight. ]

I can think of no other person I would rather help me than you, and not simply because we are the only ones present. You understand the way my mind works without me having to utter a single word, so I know that whatever we decide upon will be constructed masterfully and with the utmost care.

[ the hand on Lucifer’s arm moves to his face to cradle it for a moment. there is nothing in this world he would not do to ensure the owner of this face kept smiling, nothing at all. one day that may come to change him in ways but he does not dwell on it now.

instead, much in the way his twin does, he makes his own solemn vow: to love, cherish and protect him from harm no matter which direction it comes from, with the same determination that sent him here. at the sneeze, he murmurs a quiet bless you without their Father’s name attached. he doesn’t even notice it. ]

Removing it from our hair will prove easier than getting it out of our wings. Perhaps you should refrain from further nuzzling until then, hm?

[thisducks]

...because I am you, and you are me, Michael. Two halves, one whole. [ It's spoken so simply because it is simply fact. Not opinion, not guess, not question, just the absolute truth in Lucifer's mind. ] Of course I will know you best.

[ The smile can be heard in his voice as Lucifer finishes, shifting back again and after a few moments to think about how best to handle it, comes up with an idea. He gently urges Michael to move backwards with him, then hops up onto the edge of the tub, his wings draping outside and dripping onto the floor. There is little reason to care though, focused on his task. ]

There we go. Lean your head back, onto my lap. That way, I can rinse the ash from your hair properly. I think I could actually get it nearly fully clean, with a bit of work! ...Even if our wings will take longer than that.

[ A look towards the brighter side of things, even if that brighter side may be dim still. Beside him, Lucifer summons a small bowl and more importantly, a comb. That way, he'll be able to work through his brother's matching duck butt hair and get it clean. ]

[admonish]

And yet you were surprised that I chose to come with you. [ despite the subject matter his tone is light, and the statement is punctuated by a smile. ] What I mean to say is that I, too, know you best of all. Even your curious and oftentimes peculiar habits.

[ he does as he is told to do with zero hesitation, angling his wings in such a way that they don’t get in the way of his methods. hearing the feathers of his brother’s wings dripping on the ground is amusing. while he settles back and takes his position, he finds himself shifting again so he can reach out and run his fingers over one of his hooved legs.

it is a slow and meticulous process, he doesn’t leave a single inch of that leg unmapped, even going as far as to manipulate the various parts in an effort to perfect his balance later.

leaning his head back into his lap, he lets his arm settle back into the water and allows him to get to work. ]

I have brushed your hair before, so I am certain I will have no trouble taking care of your hair as well. Thank you. When we have finished cleansing ourselves, I think the next task on our agenda should be resting.

[thisducks]

You say that as if I am the only one in this room who has peculiar habits, brother. [ Never before had any one disobeyed their Father like Lucifer had, nor had anyone been handed down such a sentence as to not only be banished forever, but cast down into the only place angels dared to roam. When Michael had first spoken those words of Father's, how could he not believe he was about to lose everything, Michael included? Moments that will remain in his nightmares for all his years to come. ]

...I would not mind a long rest. [ And that is where Lucifer, wisely, decides to leave it. There's no point in making Michael grow more concerned than he already is by saying he wants to sleep to help the pain, to forget temporarily about all that has happened in such a short time, to not feel the painful chill of fear and the betrayal of home that lingers in his chest.

But even as he slowly and silently works through Michael's hair, he realizes that he has no idea what has happened to Lilith and Adam. For all that he had protected Lilith, wanted so badly to see her happy and free, that never meant he loved Adam any less. Now... now, without a doubt, something has happened to them both. It would be so easy for Father to decide they were a failure, to go so far as to destroy-

His hands stop completely in their motions, not seeing that the gold has returned beneath his fingers, as the horrible realization stops his heart in his chest. ]

[admonish]

To which of my habits are you referring? It is perfectly reasonable to prefer peace and quiet when doing paperwork and reading scripture. Or that I prefer to observe rather than engage when it comes to meeting others?

[ he certainly can’t be referring to unwillingness to break a rule, as he showed him today the he was perfectly capable of doing so. maybe it is how, on occasion, he finds he talks to himself when something particularly vexing is on his mind, but that is only because it helps him focus. ]

If you are not against it, I will stay with you. It would put you at ease knowing that when you wake up, you will not think you are alone here. Even now, thinking of what could have been..

[ he finds himself trailing off not because he is hesitant to continue, but because something feels off. sure enough, Lucifer freezes up and Michael lifts his head off of his lap so he can turn and reach up to take his hands. he doesn’t say anything immediately, instead taking his hands and drawing them to his own face to give him an anchor point. ]

Concentrate on me, Lucifer. Listen to my voice and come back to me. What is it that troubles you?

[thisducks]

I'm referring more to your inability to be anything less than early to anything, but at the same time you hate waking up in the morning and I have to encourage you awake, or maybe instead that if I didn't make you stop and groom your wings, I think you would forget in your need to work. [ With a bit of extra tease in his voice, as if he didn't completely forget to preen his own wings most of the time- ] Or that you will have conversations in your sleep.

[ But as he lost to his own thoughts, it shows the darker side to his incredible Gifts. That he might alone have been given such a power as his imagination and everything to give it birth, it means that perhaps he alone could have so defied their Father's orders. It means that when the blackness rises in him, it so easily shades everything and is raised higher by the power of his own dreaming, until it simply takes over.

Thankfully, with a brother like Michael, there is someone who knows how to pull him back. ]

...what if He destroys them? [ Even after all this, even in their state brought low, he's worried about his beloved humans. ] Because... because of me... they might be hurt, or scared, or- or- [ Michael will feel when the tear falls, hitting one of the hands across his eyes where Lucifer is leaning forward, temporarily as unseeing as his brother. ]